Mother Not Allowed In Son's Wedding - Why


In Bengali Hindu weddings, it is a custom that Mother won't watch her son's wedding. She stays at home and waits to welcome the bride to her new home. Some relate this practice to the mother's evil eyes, and some relate it to Maa Durga. Well, Bengalis are incomplete without Maa Durga. The new generation often finds these customs regressive. So, Let's see what are the logical reasons behind this older tradition. Mainly, these are the three notions prevalent in society.

Mother Not Allowed In Bengali Wedding
Indian Wedding

Maa Durga Started It All



Durga Puja 2020


Karthik was Maa Durga's eldest son. Once Karthik wanted to marry a princess named Usha. He Proposed Usha, and she agreed. When he was taking Usha to Kailasha, his home, he thought that he must take his mother's permission first. So, he asked her to wait in a paddy(Dhan) field. Maa Durga agreed, but Karthik was skeptical about her happiness. Dressed as a groom, he started towards the paddy fields. But suddenly, he remembered that he forgot to touch her mother's feet. He returned but didn't find his mother. At last, he went to the kitchen. He was surprised to see his mother eating a lot of food too fast. Karthik asked her, "Why are you eating like this?"
Durga replied, “I’m eating as much as I can. After marriage, your wife becomes part of this household. she might not let me eat properly.”
Karthik became very sad to hear this and decided not to marry Usha.
When Usha heard this, out of shame, she decided to always hide in the paddy fields. In the Hindu calendar month, Karthik paddy's sheaf(shish) or ear of rice is grown. People say that this ear of rice is Usha. 
So, according to this legend, the mother of the Bengali groom could relax for the last time before the daughter-in-law arrives.  This is why she doesn’t go to the wedding.

However, according to South Indian culture, Karthik(Karthikeya) was married not once but twice to Devayanai (Devasena) and Valli.


Mother's Evil Eyes

Mother and Son



Mothers bring ill-luck to the bride and groom. One wonders the same Mother who sacrifices all the comforts of her life to raise the kid, how can her presence bring ill luck. Or the same mother who always put her son's happiness before her, she all of a sudden become an evil's eye. 
Mothers love their kids more than anything else. So, when it is about the fate of their child, they get scared and don't go to son's weddings. 


Travel Issues In The Old Days


Logical reason being that in the old days, it was difficult to travel. In Hindu traditions, Groom travels to the bride’s place for marriage. Sometimes, this travel would span across days, and involve difficult journeys by boat or on foot. Further, things were not particularly safe with the danger of thugs, dacoits, and animals. So, Bengali Baraats(Borjatri) had very few or no women traveling with them.

Things have changed now, but this medieval practice is continuing for generations. It is the Indian patriarchal system, which is continuously following such medieval ideas. Time has come to break these oppressive and illogical customs. Society should discard these practices.





Do mention your views in the comments, and please share if you agree that it's high time to break these regressive customs.

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